Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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