I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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