My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
