Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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