I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
