did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
