Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
someone get that fucking seahorse.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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