i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
