I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
