i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
