just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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