just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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