you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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