Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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