At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
MIDGETS
????
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
