I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
