I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
