Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
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