she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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