Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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