I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
