My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
