Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
