So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's no shave November. This is our time.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
