Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
