Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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