so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
my liver is dry heaving
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
