she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
