i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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