She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
