Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
