Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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