i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
