I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
