2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
A bitchslap is in order.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
