I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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