3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
