that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
