i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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