so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I don't think brook has ever known best
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
