the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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