I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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