somebody snuck up and got me drunk
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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