watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
