you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
