one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I look better un-naked...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
