i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
