A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
