I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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