Screwed.edu
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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