i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
