I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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