two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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