i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
